Family Night

"Sometimes you have to go back to boot camp."  My friends words were spoken with a laugh, but the truth of them rang in my ears. 

She was speaking about her children.  About their tendency to drift from the family's boundaries and push the envelope.  About the need to come back to basics and remind children what we do, what we don't do, and why.  We love each other.  We speak kindly to each other.  We use our manners.  We don't eat things that come from our nose.  The real basics. 

That's boot camp.  And we just had one of those seasons in our house.

I felt it coming on for a while.  With a move to a new city this summer, there was just so much that was new and different that it was easy to lose sight of those basics.  Except my kids are old enough not to need the nose talk.  It was basics of a different sort, and it was probably more for the parents than the kids.

Because if you're not diligent, not careful to guard the state of your flock, you can look up and realize that all the things you put in place when your kids were young to help them grow spiritually and emotionally have slipped into the busyness of the details of life.  And the protective boundaries you had set to guard your family from the parasites that eat away at the health of your relationships have given way to too much technology, too much noise, and just too much.

So, it was time to go back to boot camp.  And for us, that meant reinstating family night.  A sacred weekly tradition we had held for many years, but had slowly let fade to monthly and then occasionally and then we can't remember when.

But, it's back, and it's back so good.  It's not fancy.  It's not complicated.  It's not overly spiritual.  It's just time together that is absolutely set in stone and doesn't get moved by anything on mom's schedule, dad's schedule, or the school's schedule.  Everyone in the house has been informed that this is going to happen, and anything that needs to be planned for in advance or changed or moved or deleted in order for it to happen, that better happen, too.

There may have been some expectation on the parents' end that this proclamation would be met with some resistance, but it wasn't.  We are three months in to family night boot camp and haven't missed a single week.  Every one of our teenagers have made the shift, and now Fridays may be my favorite day, but Tuesday is my favorite night.

Tuesday night is tacos around the table.  It's a new board game.  It's a walk to our favorite custard shop.  It's jammies and s'mores on the back patio.  It's watching a food network show while we eat frozen pizza.  It's a round of charades or hide and seek in the dark.  It's a bike ride. 

It's just time.  Whatever it takes to have time to look each other in the eye and laugh and remember why we are each other's best friends.

Three months in, and this is by far the best boot camp this family has ever had.  Especially since we haven't had a single nose discussion.

Trading Stress for Peace

A couple of months ago,  my pastor husband asked if I would mind letting a traveling band of musicians stay in our home for a night.  We were scheduled to be out of town that evening, the church was needing to find them a place to stay after they performed a concert for the congregation, and it seemed like an all-around easy solution.  I said sure, it would be no problem.

Fast forward to T minus 6 days, and it was no longer an easy solution and was in fact a huge problem.  What had I been thinking?  A group of people I didn't know staying in my home without us there?  This called for some SERIOUS CLEANING!

I've always thought of myself as a clean person.  (Almost) everything has a place, and (almost) everything can be put it in its place in pretty quick order in my house.  But, this was not the usual scenario for company.  These people weren't just coming over for dinner or coffee, they were going to shower, sleep, prepare their own breakfast, and possibly do laundry here.  They were going to see into closets, cabinets, bathtubs (shriek!), and who knows, maybe behind couches?

So, I spent the better part of two days cleaning from top to bottom. 

Floors.

Couch cushions.

Bathrooms.

Ceiling fans.

The works.

And what should have been a natural display of hospitality turned into an exhausting ordeal.

All because I was worried what someone I didn't even know would think if they saw dust on the baseboards or dog hair on the couch.

Until I finally realized, enough was enough.  The house was cleaner than it ever is for the people who LIVE here, so it was just going to have to be enough for those who were visiting. 
My tired family was thrilled to hear this decision as it meant they were spared the deep cleaning of their closets. 

The last thing I did before we left town was shut every single closet door and hoped no one would have a desire to see if I know how to fold fitted sheets (I don't) or if all the pieces of our board games have made it back into their boxes.  And then I walked out, and tried not to think about it anymore.

But, now, two weeks later, I've been thinking about it.  And I wonder why I allowed myself to get stressed out when our home is a lovely, homey place.  It's not perfect and its furniture is showing signs of being well loved by a family of six, but it's full of peace and comfort and joy and life.  It's a beautiful place to relax and be yourself.  And maybe the imperfections around the house are a lot like the people who live here, the people who aren't perfect, but are growing up and changing for the better and not ever staying the same. 

And maybe there are just a lot of things more important in life than correctly folded sheets.

Finding the Time

I love summer.

I love it because it has this beautiful thing tucked away in its corners, a thing called time.

It's the summer months that time slows down, just enough to allow a deep breath to be drawn in the pauses.  Just enough to do the things you've spent the whole year dreaming about.  Just enough to be refreshed.

So, this summer, I'm making it a point to find the time. 

The tucked away time. 

Time to snuggle with my babies under the stars.

Time to do some family hiking.

Time to cook outside.

Time to sleep in and stay in our jammies until lunch.

Time to listen to the rain without thinking about the laundry.

Time to edit some photos and smile at the faces of my children.

Time to brush my daughter's hair and listen to her stories.

Time to read my Bible without a devotional agenda, just to listen.

Time to leave town with my family and turn off the cell phones.
 
Tucked away time.  What a treasure.

The Joy of Respite

I always love to turn a calendar page, but I can not remember a time I have been so excitedly anticipating turning my weekly planner from one week to the next.  It's not that this week has been terrible, it's just that next week holds something precious---a respite.

It was my husband's idea.  After a season of intense labor in our ministry, he felt we both needed to take some time away on our own.  A time for each of us to get away from daily life to recharge, refuel and be re-envisioned.

He went first, driving a couple hours away to hole up in a borrowed cabin and plan out the church's vision for the new year, away from all distractions.  I could tell when he returned that he came back stronger and ready to impart what he had received.

And next week, it's my turn.  I was thrilled to see the cottage he chose for me to stay in has the beautiful word "respite" in its name.

Respite: a delay or cessation for a time, especially of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief

And yes, I have some goals I would like to accomplish while I'm away.  Some things that have needed my attention, but are hard to devote mental energy to when I'm in the midst of daily urgencies.

But, on the top of my goal page is written a word with several lines drawn underneath it.  It's the same word I have displayed above my office door, where only I can see it and be reminded:  REST.

How long has it been since you've had a respite--just you, God, and your conversations with each other in a place away from home?  If you never have, or it's been years since you've done it, pray today and ask God if it's time.  I promise He's the best road trip friend imaginable.

Simplify

There is always something refreshing to me about the whiteness of January.  It's a blank calendar page waiting for my notes on a new year.  It's a soft shade of light streaming in my windows, highlighting my newly bare shelves after all the Christmas decorations have been put away.  It's a chance to start fresh and to simplify.

It somehow makes me think back to all the things that were on my Christmas list and wonder why I thought I needed them, especially when I remember the pastor I met from Africa who was praying for a way to feed his children twice a day instead of just once.

It causes me to look at my dayplanner and ponder what is a true need and what is just something that will take me away from my children, the question growing more urgent when I remember how much their faces had changed in the Christmas photos this year compared to last.

It gives me reason to consider my checkbook to discern what it is I have considered treasure, for where my money is, there my heart is also.

And the words of the old spiritual find their way to my lips....

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus.

Simple ways to simplify:

• clean out your closet (or your kids' closets),  fill up a box with donations, and take them to a shelter for battered women
• make a list of your weekly obligations, pray over them, and listen to see if the Lord wants you to make some changes
• cancel your cable subscription; pray and ask where the Lord wants you to spend that money instead
• schedule a day to fast; when you complete it, schedule another one
• set one time when you will check your social media sites, and resolve not to check them at any other time in the day
• read The Beautiful Outlaw, by John Eldredge, and remember why you fell in love with Jesus