What To Do When Someone Hurts Your Child

Ever since I was a little girl, I've read the Christmas story from Mary's perspective.  What would it have been like to birth the Savior of the world?  After a pregnancy where everyone thought the worst of you?  And what was it like to experience that birth far from home, away from your own mother, with only your young, terrified husband to hold your hand?  The birth of Jesus was a miracle in many ways, and one of them was that a young teenage girl said yes to the whole thing, trusting God to sort out the details of her very real life.

But, I'm certain the birth wasn't the hardest part for Mary.  For, just days later, she would hear the words no mother ever wants to hear at her baby's dedication service, spoken by a prophet who whispered them while looking deep into her eyes, "And a sword will pierce your own heart, also."  (Luke 2: 35)


What could she have thought upon hearing those words?  She had no frame of reference for what was coming.  She hadn't yet read the back of the book. 


She found out in real time that not everyone would believe He was who she always knew He was.  That people close to her would turn on him, betraying Him into hands that sought to kill the life she brought in to the world.  That He would die on a cross being mocked and spat upon by the very ones she knew He loved more than Himself.  And it's that part of Mary's story that both breaks my heart and captures my respect.

Because just recently, I watched a child born of my body experience hurt at the hands of someone else.  It was small in the great scheme of life, the kind of thing that most everyone experiences in junior high.  But, it brought tears and pain and confusion to one I love more than my next breath.  And in that moment, I didn't want to sit on the sidelines and pray.  I didn't want to counsel forgiveness.  I wanted to crawl out of my mama bear cave, stand on my hind legs, and roar until I could force retribution.  I wanted to fix it.  And fix it with vengeance.


But, I didn't get to.  Because that's not the way of the God I serve.  Instead, I held my child close to my heart, waited for the tears to stop, and we prayed.  We released the one who had done the wounding and we asked the Lord to bless them.  I admit that a little later, I also had to quietly ask the Lord to forgive the angry thoughts I had entertained that may have involved super glue and a flagpole, but the point is, in that mama bear moment, my child needed me to model a life value.  Because my babies won't always have me around to run to.  But, they will always have the God we can go to together.  And He is there for both of us, just like He was there for Mary.


He was there when she birthed her vagabond son in a stable.  He was still there in her panic when she realized she had left her pre-teen in Jerusalem and was a three day journey away from him.  And He was there again when she watched the man she knew to be completely innocent of sin murdered on a cross for her own sin.


He was there.  He was there for her and He was there for her son.  He was there because that boy was also His son.


And that's what brings peace in the moments when we watch our children walk through pain.  The truth that, even more than being bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh, these children belong to Him.  He loves them more than we can fathom.  He has a plan for their lives, one for hope and a future.  And He will never leave them.  They are His.

Grace Defined

Something hugely frightening happened to me recently. 


I shrunk my sweatshirt.


My sweatshirt.  The one that changed my life.  The one my husband gave me for Christmas that I had hardly taken off for three months.  The one I loved and the one that loved me unconditionally in return.


I had plans to only take it to the dry cleaner for the rest of my life.  But, I didn't pay attention and it ended up in the wash.  And then the dryer.  And then it shrunk.  And I came the closest I have ever come to a panic attack.


I discovered it late at night, right before bed, and Eric came running to answer the shrieks of pain from the laundry room. 


He then followed me to our room as I yelled, "No, no, no, no, no, no!" while I tore off my pajamas and put the sweatshirt on.  The sleeves were short.  The bottom hem didn't come to where it was supposed to.  The whole thing was off, wrong, ruined.


My husband watched from the bed as I mourned.  It was a slow process, this coming to terms with losing one of your best friends.  All five stages of grief played out in the microcosm of my closet.


And when I was finished, he told me to come lay my head on his chest.


I did, utterly spent.


And that's when he pulled out his phone and showed me that my new sweatshirt would be arriving in less than 48 hours.  A carbon copy of the one that would now fit my dachshund BEFORE its date with the dryer of death.  My new best friend.


We won't talk about how long my husband let me lament before he shared what he had just done (evidently I'm very entertaining when I'm upset), but let's take a moment to reflect on what he did do.


He gave me grace.


I had misused and mistreated his first gift.  And he offered me another, brand new and perfect, without a word of shame or reproach. 


He paid the price.  Twice.


So very much like my Jesus. 


The One who came after me after I walked away. 


The One who bought back what was already His. 


The One who loves to see me wearing His ring, His clothes, His name.  So much so that when I mess up, He offers me a brand new start, with nothing but love in His eyes.

Your Great High Priest

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet he did not sin."    - Hebrews 4:15


If you've been judged for giving grace to a sinner...He has, too.  (Luke 7:36-50)

If you've been judged for speaking the truth in love...He has, too.  (John 6:25-66)

If you've been lied about and maligned...He has, too.  (Matthew 12:22-24)

If you've had your words twisted and used against you...He has, too.  (Mark 15:29)

If your intentions have been misinterpreted...His have, too.  (John 12:12-13)

If you've looked at the task you've been called to and wished there was another way...He has, too.  (Luke 22:42)

If you've been deserted by everyone who once committed to stay...He has, too.  (Mark 14:50)

If you've been betrayed by the one who professed to be a friend...He has, too.  (Mark 14:43-46)

If you've been pierced by the ones you're trying to help...He has, too.  (John 19:2, 18,34)

And then, from the cross, unrecognizable as a man, He prayed this prayer,

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."  (Luke 23:34)

And you can, too.

Because your priest, the healer of your soul, was never buried into bitterness or apathy.  

He did not quit.

He rose. 

He rose from the tomb and into His Father's arms. 

He rose from the vile accusations of man and into the light of truth.

He rose from the disgrace of being naked on a cross and into the glorious realm that had never ceased to proclaim His majesty.

He rose to make a way for the very ones who scorned him to come to the Father.

And if the Spirit of this beautiful man has taken up residence in you, then you need not die by the criticisms or rejections of mankind.  You, too, can rise above them.  You, too, can extend forgiveness.  (Colossians 3:13)

And to journey forward, you need only look for approval from one pair of eyes.  Eyes that won't be hard to find if you refuse to stare into the gaze of judgment.


For they have never stopped looking at you.  (Romans 8:34)

What Does the Bible Say About Offense?

I am very often reminded of how different God's thoughts are from my own.  (Isaiah 55:8-9)  But, probably never more than when I contemplate the command to forgive those who I perceive have wronged me.  

The root of offense that leads to the tree of bitterness is not in the mind of God.  Instead, He calls me to things that do not come naturally.  

What He asks of me is counter-intuitive and counter-culture, but never counter-effective, for His thoughts are in and of themselves abundant life and the power to overcome.

What are His thoughts, then, on offense?  What does He tell me to do when I am tempted to hold on to unforgiveness?

I have found there is a large portion of Scripture devoted to putting His thoughts before me on this very subject.  Here are just a few of His instructions...

 

…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4: 1-3

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold….Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:25-32

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.   Proverbs 15:1 

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.  Proverbs 20:22 

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God…. If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.   James 1:19-26 

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.    Matthew 6:14-15

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled…  Hebrews 12:14-15

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.  Proverbs 10:12

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.  Romans 12:17-21

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.  Mark 11:25 

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.   1 John 4:8

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices….Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  Colossians 3:5-14

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.  Leviticus 19:18

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.    Romans 14:10

The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.  Mark 12:31 

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.  Matthew 5:5-9 

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well….So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.  James 2:8-13

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.   If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful....   Luke 6:31-42

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others… Philippinas 2:2-8

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.    Romans 13:8-10

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.   John 13:34-35

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.   Matthew 18:21-22

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?   Matthew 5:43-48

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.   Ecclesiastes 7:9

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.   Psalm 37:8-9

Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.  1 John 2:9-11

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?   James 4:11-12

Let brotherly love continue.   Hebrews 13:1

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.   Galatians 6:1-3

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.   Philippians 4:8-9

Why Hope Exists for Less of Me and More of Him

There is a verse of Scripture jostling around in my spirit today.  A verse that speaks of my Jesus. 

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin."  Hebrews 4:15

I love this verse because it removes the "God card" factor.  Jesus didn't just play a God card and exempt himself from the possibility of sin.  No.  He was tempted.  In every way I have been tempted, and then some.  And at levels I have never had to face, for he was tempted by the destroyer himself, face to face.  (Matthew 4)

But, he's been there.  His heart has been tempted the way mine has. 

I sometimes imagine it.

When he saw his cousin beheaded, was he tempted to give in to disappointment and let a seed of bitterness sprout?

When his own hometown, his family and friends, could not see past his "ordinariness" and rejected his claims to be the Messiah, was he tempted to give in to anger and let a root of unforgiveness grow?

When the teachers of the law struck his face and spit on him, crying out that he was blaspheming the very name he shared with His father, was he tempted to give in to hopelessness for their redemption and let the tree of mankind wither and die?

When he was all alone in the garden, knowing the cross was coming the next day, was he tempted to tell God He didn't want to do it His way anymore?

These are real situations Jesus found himself in.  Real people he had to look in the face.  Real heart issues that so easily ensnare.

I find myself there all the time.

When God doesn't do what I thought He would do.

When people aren't as mature as I thought they were.

When someone assumes the worst about my intentions.

When my way looks better...or just easier...or just satisfies my wants more than His does.

And I don't always handle it the way He did.  For He didn't sin.

Oh, my Jesus, how I love you for that.  You could have, and you didn't.  You showed me it can be done.  And then you died for the times I would try to follow in your footsteps and fail. 

And today I have hope.  Because You did it.  Because You're still whispering that I can learn.

Another Christmas Birth Story

At Christmas time, we’re used to reading the story of a birth.  Just maybe not this birth.

"When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. As she was giving birth, one of them put out his hand; so the midwife took a scarlet thread and tied it on his wrist and said, “This one came out first.” But when he drew back his hand, his brother came out, and she said, “So this is how you have broken out!” And he was named Perez. Then his brother, who had the scarlet thread on his wrist, came out. And he was named Zerah.^”  - Genesis 38:27-30

What a bizarre story found in this tucked away corner of the Scripture.  One son waves hello, gets a scarlet thread tied around his wrist, and then disappears.  The other son somehow intrudes into the process of birth and makes what the text refers to a “breach.”  He pushes his brother back so he can break out into the world.

And the mama?  A woman named Tamar, whose story is not a family friendly tale.  She went through a lot of family disfunction, was sinned against, sinned herself, and ended up unmarried and pregnant by her late husband’s father.

And then comes the birth, with this odd occurrence.  Two sons.  One named Perez, meaning “breach” or “broken out.”  The other named Zerah, meaning “dawning” or “brightness.”

And these twins are a picture of you and your big brother.  Your big brother named Jesus.

This brother Perez – he is everything we are.  A man who will push to get his own way, a man who causes brokeness and breaches.  A man who carries the sin nature.

This brother Zerah – his situation is a foreshadowing, a hint of the redemption that was on the way.  A man who was here before we were, yet came after man to save man.

Jesus lived before the beginning of time.  He is eternal God.  Yet, since sin entered the earth, the whole world had been waiting for Him to arrive in the flesh.

And none of it was a surprise to God.  The fall of man.  The entrance of sin.  The withering of mankind.  He wasn’t shocked or astounded.  He had a plan.  And it was the same plan He had from the beginning.

The plan was Jesus.

From the moment Adam drew breath, the sin of the world was tied to Jesus with a scarlet thread.  God knew His own son would have to come to save us, so we could be grafted into the family.  And He still did it.  Knowing His son would have to die a brutal death to save us, He still created us, mankind. 

And even more amazing.  Jesus said yes.

He said yes to the virgin birth.  He said yes to taking on flesh.  He said yes to coming to earth as a baby, putting the fate of mankind into the hands of a carpenter and his teenage bride.   And in doing so, He said yes to the cross.  To the agony of bearing the sin of the world on His perfect and blameless shoulders.  To the humilation of dying naked on a tree.  He said yes and He came.

He said yes because it meant having you.

And for all the years from the garden to the manger, He waited, with a scarlet thread tied to his wrist.  It was his love for you.

There’s another labor story we don’t think about much at Christmas. 

Jesus’ labor on the cross.

After Jesus had been on the cross for awhile, with every sin of mankind placed upon Him, after every vile act from tiny lies to genocide had been tied around His neck, He was ready to finish what He started in the manger.  He bore those sins to the very end, and then He shouted “IT IS FINISHED!” and He gave up His spirit.

And a soldier came a stuck a spear into His side.  And John the disciple, an eyewitness, tells us in John 19 that when the spear pierced his side, “immediately blood and water came out.”

It was the fulfillment of the scarlet thread, the fulfillment of the promise.  It was the greates birth story ever told.  Because the only time blood and water flow together under natural circumstances is during a birth.

And Jesus was indeed birthing something.  He was bringing into the world a new covenant, a new man.  He was closing a door, and opening a new one.

Paul calls Jesus in 1 Corinthians 15 the “last Adam.”  This means something terribly important for everyone who follows Jesus.

It was the first Adam who brought sin into the world.

It was the last Adam who brought redemption into the world.

The first Adam caused mankind to fall.

The last Adam redeemed it.

The first Adam imparted a curse to all his sons who came after him.

The last Adam made a way for all those sons to come home to the Father.

Paul also says in Colossians that Jesus is the “firstborn of many brothers.”

Jesus…the most amazing big brother ever.

No longer do we have to live under the curse of sin.  Our big brother paid for us to be free.

Our brother who chose to wear the scarlet thread.

 

True Maturity

It was a small thing.  Probably only something a mother would care about.  But, I am his mother.  And I do care.  So I waited until the time was right.  And then I spoke.

I was careful to make sure there was only love in my voice.  Only the sounds of caring that runs deep.  No judgement.  No rebuke.  Just a gentle pointing out of the need for change.

The iron that sharpens iron.  Spoken through tender affection.

And I knew it wasn't easy for him to hear.  Receiving correction is never easy, but it may be the most difficult in the teen years.  And I saw the struggle in his face, his eyes reflecting the processing my words were requiring of him.

I prayed as I spoke.  "Lord, please let there be no twisting of the sounds from my mouth to his ears, no chance for him to misunderstand my heart."

He was silent for a moment.  And then he did it.

He reached for me, pulling me into a hug, letting his cheek rest against mine.  And he said the words I hadn't expected, "Thank you, Mom."

I was humbled by his grace, his ability to push past ego and receive the temporary wound to his pride in order to gain the long-term growth in his character.  I hugged him back and whispered, "You're welcome.  I'm proud of who you are."

And then I retreated to my own quiet place to think that over. 

My son had surprised me with his maturity.  Was I capable of the same?  When God comes to me to correct me, do I respond with "thank you," or do I attempt to justify myself, finding someone else to blame?  Am I able to look past the smarting of my pride to see the love in His eyes when He needs to point out the need for change in me?  After His discipline, am I confident that I'm still his kid and He's still proud of me, or do I hunt around anxiously for something else to make Him like me more?

"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."  (Prov 3:11-12)

And I pray that the truth of this verse, illustrated to me by my own son, finds its way to the deep places of my heart the next time God needs to point something out to me. 

In that moment, may I reach for Him, lay my cheek against His, and whisper, "Thank you." 

(in)courage Guest Blog: Hope For Marriages

I visited my eight-year widowed grandmother this weekend. It still shocks me to see her without my grandfather by her side. They were a matched pair, a perfect set, now waiting for the beautiful day they will be reunited. And she limps along with a smile, but with the gait of one who is missing half of herself.


I came home to wave at my one-week widowed neighbor. The grief is still too new, too raw to process. For how do you even decide alone what to eat for breakfast when you've been making decisions together for sixty-four years?


And then yesterday I heard the tale I've listened to so many times, told with tears running down the face and exhaustion in the eyes. The details change a little depending on the teller, but the stories are all pretty much the same. How the marriage started well, but has slowly died and is heading to the place beyond hope of resurrection. How wounds have been inflicted and trust has been broken. How love was taken for granted and priorities were shifted. How they wish it could change, but just don't see how.


And I can't help seeing those two women while I listen. Two women who would give anything to be held once more by the man whose socks once littered their bedroom floor. The same two women who will tonight go to bed alone instead of beside the snore that kept them awake for countless hours. The two women who now have only themselves to cook dinner for.


What would those women say in this moment?


To read more, log on to (in)courage, where the author of Treasure the Ordinary is a guest blogger today...

To read more on marriages, click the "Love Spark" label to the right for 14 days of encouragement on bringing life to your marriage.

Stand Firm

I held one of my sons as he wept over his sin this week.  His heart was grieved that he had grieved the heart of God. 

I understood.

And we talked about learning to stand against temptation and refusing to listen to the lies of the enemy.  We spoke of the temporary gain of sin that ultimately ends in loss.  We remembered that God has called us to holiness, because He is holy.

And then I gave him this encouragement....it will get worse before it gets better.

"The enemy thinks he has you now, thinks he knows that you will play into his hand.  He will come again, and soon, and he will whisper for you to agree with him and partner with him in the very act that has made you cry.  And you will need to fight to be free of him.  You will need to stand firm.  And when he comes again, you will need to stand firm again.  And again.  And again.  Until he knows you will not play by his rules.  And do you know what else you can do to beat him?  You can come to me, or to your Daddy, and tell us.  And we will pray with you.  We will pray together that you will be able to stand and fight and win."

Just today, it happened.  He told me immediately when he got in the car after school.  "I was tempted, Mom.  I stood firm, though."

And with that, his sword grew a little steadier in his hand.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7).  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16)."

Hope For Marriages

I visited my eight-year widowed grandmother this weekend.  It still shocks me to see her without my grandfather by her side.  They were a matched pair, a perfect set, now waiting for the beautiful day they will be reunited.  And she limps along with a smile, but with the gait of one who is missing half of herself.


I came home to wave at my one-week widowed neighbor.  The grief is still too new, too raw to process.  For how do you even decide alone what to eat for breakfast when you've been making decisions together for sixty-four years?


And then yesterday I heard the tale I've listened to so many times, told with tears running down the face and exhaustion in the eyes.  The details change a little depending on the teller, but the stories are all pretty much the same.  How the marriage started well, but has slowly died and is heading to the place beyond hope of resurrection.  How wounds have been inflicted and trust has been broken.  How love was taken for granted and priorities were shifted.  How they wish it could change, but just don't see how.


And I can't help seeing those two women while I listen.  Two women who would give anything to be held once more by the man whose socks once littered their bedroom floor.  The same two women who will tonight go to bed alone instead of beside the snore that kept them awake for countless hours.  The two women who now have only themselves to cook dinner for. 


What would those women say in this moment?


I think they would say it's worth it.  Your marriage is worth it.  It's worth fighting for.  It's worth hurting for.  It's worth sacrificing for.  It's worth healing.


I think they would say that the best marriage you'll ever have is the one you have right now.  I think they would tell you to seek God and not be afraid to change where He tells you to change.  I think they would whisper in your ear that a lifetime spent with an imperfect person you have chosen to love is too sweet to throw away and that with Him, all things are possible.


And I think they would tell you not to waste time with unforgiveness, for time is precious, and when it's gone, it's gone.


I think then they would hold you close, bow their heads, and pray for you to have resurrected hope.  And they would pray until you could say, "Amen...so be it."

A New Year

new beginnings


fresh starts


blank slate


trackless snow


empty page


perfect crayons


clean oven


smooth sand


crisp sheets


morning mercies


reconciled checkbook


forgiveness