Why You Shouldn't Give Up, Mama

Author's Note:  This is from Treasure the Ordinary's Archives, and is even more profound to me today than when I wrote it.  The boy in this story was 13 then.  He's now 18 and will be leaving home this next year... 

With four children entrusted to my care, I spend a lot of my time teaching.  How to tie shoes.  How to ride a bike.  How to drive a car.  How to match your clothes.  How to start the dishwasher. 

The list goes on and on, right into the more important things.

How to forgive.  How to use your words to bless.  How to pray.  How to stop gossip.  How to strengthen yourself in the Lord.

I've been teaching these precious ones for fifteen years now, so I'm comfortable in my role as teacher.  I'm not always so comfortable in my role as student.

And that's where I found myself this week, as my son became the teacher.

It was Sunday evening and we were about to have thirty people making s'mores in our backyard for an end of the season softball party.  I was running behind in my preparations and feeling the crunch.  Somewhere in the midst of opening dozens of chocolate wrappers, my second son asked what was for dinner.  My response was less than gracious.

"It's Sunday night.  I don't cook on Sunday nights.  Just eat whatever you find in the fridge."

There was a long pause as he rummaged around in the fridge, then the freezer.  Pulling out a box of frozen taquitos, he asked how long he would need to warm them up.

I mumbled something in reply about that not being the easiest thing he could have chosen.

"What?" he asked me, leaning forward to try to catch my eyes.

"Nothing," I said, turning away from him, "Just follow the directions and do it quick so we can clean up the kitchen."

Definitely not an award-winning mommy moment.  And then, when the overpowing smell of taquitos filled the kitchen a few minutes later, it got worse.

"Great," I muttered loud enough for him to hear, "Just what I needed--that weird smell greeting our guests when they arrive."

My thirteen year old leaned forward once more, caught my gaze, and calmy said, "Mom, if you wanted to grump about that, you should have done it three minutes ago when I asked you what I should eat."

I looked at those sincere eyes, eyes that didn't hold one trace of disrespect, and burst out laughing.

He was so insanely and completely right.

And I was so in the wrong.

I apologized.  He accepted, smiled, and moved on to eat his taquitos, clean up after himself, and then ask how he could help me get ready for the party.

I realized later as I mulled it over that my teaching is working. 

I've invested hours and hours of my time teaching my children how to address conflict while still honoring the other person.

I've had countless conversations with them about how to recognize emotional manipulation and how to refrain from bowing to its yoke.

I've poured into them the skills and words it's going to take for them to navigate the waters of taking responsibility for what is yours, but not picking up false responsibility for what others do or say that you can not change.

And they're learning.  They're learning well.  They're learning so well that my son handled my irritation and impatience with a grace that can only come from someone who has come to value and fight for right relationships in his home.

And I've never been prouder as a mother, even if I won't be buying taquitos anymore.

Embracing It All

I define the words "hopeless romantic."  It doesn't matter how much real life I experience, there is a part of me that clings to the beautiful side.  The side that thinks fresh flowers should be on my counter every day, even though I have a black thumb.  The side that expects the throw pillows to stay artfully arranged on the couch, even though they share a home with people who use them as weapons and fort building material.  The side that believes my hair should look beautifully unkempt when I wake up, even though I've lived through the daily jolt of seeing only unkempt and not beautiful locks looking back at me every morning for forty years.  It's just who I am.  The one who longs for beauty and romance every day.

It's probably why I wrote it.  The one book I've ever completed.  A hopeless romantic kind of story, with not a ton of theological insight, but an abundance of sweet sentiment.

But, I'm also a little embarrassed by that part of myself.  I've never wanted people to know my favorite movie is not some deep war documentary, but instead it's...anything adapted from Jane Austen.  I've also never advertised my favorite author is not Dietrich Bonhoeffer (God bless his profound heart), but instead it's...Jan Karon.

But, it's the truth.  I'm a hopeless romantic, and I can't help it.  There are parts of me that are simply satisfied with a sweet story where the boy gets the girl, whose hair looks beautifully unkempt in the morning. 

And I'm learning that I don't have to be ashamed of any part of how God made me.  The assertive and bold parts?  The ones that got me labeled "bossy" when I was growing up?  They've been His way of developing leadership skills in me that have been needed in every season I've faced in adulthood.  The introverted quiet parts?  The ones that made me label myself "awkward" as I was maturing?  They've been His gifts to place me in a position to listen to what He was doing inside of me, rather than only being able to see the work He's doing through me.

There's not a part of me that He didn't design.  Not a part of me He can't use.

So, I've decided to go with Him.  Just go with Him.  Even if it means confessing something I fear might make me be labeled as silly or sentimental.  Even the hopeless romantic parts.  Because if He put it in me, then it has to be somewhere in Him.  And I think the God I love with my whole soul is hopelessly romantic about me.  It's in Him, so it's in me.  And if He put it in me, it's meant to be shared.

Quietness and Trust

My first grade teacher would tell you I've always had a little trouble being quiet.  She once made me sit under my desk during class because she thought I needed a reminder not to interject my thoughts at will into her lessons.  It's not that I talk all the time, I just often have trouble keeping a good idea to myself.  Good ideas are meant to be shared, or so thought the first grade me.  Evidently, Mrs. Lindsay either didn't agree, or wasn't sure all my ideas fell in the "good" category.

I've definitely learned since then that not all my thoughts are for sharing, which is most likely on the litmus test for maturity.  But, I've generally stuck to my early premise that God gave us the ability to think, imagine, and dream in order to contribute to the world we are privileged to live in, and we therefore have gifts to give by finding a way to communicate those thoughts, imaginations, and dreams.  There was no stern-eyed teacher or desk in the world that could keep me down.

But, I hadn't ever factored in a season of quiet.  And that's where I am now.

A season of not talking, at least in public venues.

A season of hidden conversations.

Conversations between me and the God who has not put me under a desk, but has called me to sit next to him at the front of the classroom because there are some things He wants to show me.   Things about Him.  Things about me.  Things about what we're supposed to do together.

And all of that just adds up to a season of quietness and trust.  Quiet so I can listen to what He has to say.  Trust so I can believe that He means what He says.

I won't pretend this is my favorite season, but I can sense the value of it.  For how can I take His words to this world if I have not heard them from His mouth? 

How can I lean not on my own understanding if the only opinions I spend time listening to are my own? 

And how can I join Him on His journey if I don't stop and sit when He stops and sits? 

So, I'm choosing to lean in closely as He's telling the story, kicked back, with His feet propped up on a rock beside the trail I thought we were in a hurry to travel down.  I'm choosing to wait.  And listen.

Mrs. Lindsay would be so proud.

More Than Getting Older

My pastor husband made me ask myself a startling question in his sermon on Sunday.  It caused me to pause.  It caused me some discomfort.  It caused me to keep asking it of myself until I had an answer.

Am I growing in maturity?

I am obviously growing older.  My ability to bounce back from a night spent sleeping on the floor testifies of that.

But, am I maturing?  And much more specifically, am I maturing in my spiritual life?

I like to think of myself as a mature Christian.  I have for years now.  But, that simple question caused me to dig deep and sincerely evaluate my own growth.  It's not enough to be a "mature" Christian.  I need to be a "maturing" one.

And over the last three days, the Lord has been gracious to help me answer the question.  Yes, I am maturing.  But, I could be maturing faster if I would allow Him more room to work.  And that's going to cost me something.

It's going to cost a little more self-honesty.

It's going to cost some humility.

It's going to cost some time.

Because there are some trouble spots in my Christian walk.  Some places that I keep having to "go around the bush" again and again.  Some areas that I find myself repenting and starting over once more instead of being able to walk a new road, blaze a new trail in my spiritual thinking.

And it's these spots that need my honesty, some humility, and some time.

When I look back over my spiritual "maturing," I can see I've grown the most when I had an actual plan for growth.  When I submitted my thoughts to the Lord, received His response in return, and we hashed out a new way of looking at something together.

It's this pattern I want to see reproduced in my life.  This constant communication with the One who cares about my growth because of His great love for me.

That's why I'll be talking to Him about my trouble spots this week.  And coming up with a plan for growth. 

Because when I'm growing in maturity, I'm looking more and more like who I was born to be, and less and less like the flesh I won't settle for.

"Meanwhile, Jesus kept on growing wiser and more mature, and in favor with God and his fellow man."   - Luke 2:52 (ISV)

What Does the Bible Say About Offense?

I am very often reminded of how different God's thoughts are from my own.  (Isaiah 55:8-9)  But, probably never more than when I contemplate the command to forgive those who I perceive have wronged me.  

The root of offense that leads to the tree of bitterness is not in the mind of God.  Instead, He calls me to things that do not come naturally.  

What He asks of me is counter-intuitive and counter-culture, but never counter-effective, for His thoughts are in and of themselves abundant life and the power to overcome.

What are His thoughts, then, on offense?  What does He tell me to do when I am tempted to hold on to unforgiveness?

I have found there is a large portion of Scripture devoted to putting His thoughts before me on this very subject.  Here are just a few of His instructions...

 

…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4: 1-3

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold….Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:25-32

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.   Proverbs 15:1 

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.  Proverbs 20:22 

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God…. If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.   James 1:19-26 

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.    Matthew 6:14-15

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled…  Hebrews 12:14-15

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.  Proverbs 10:12

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.  Romans 12:17-21

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.  Mark 11:25 

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.   1 John 4:8

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices….Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  Colossians 3:5-14

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.  Leviticus 19:18

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.” So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.    Romans 14:10

The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.  Mark 12:31 

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.  Matthew 5:5-9 

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well….So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.  James 2:8-13

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.   If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful....   Luke 6:31-42

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others… Philippinas 2:2-8

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.    Romans 13:8-10

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.   John 13:34-35

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.   Matthew 18:21-22

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?   Matthew 5:43-48

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.   Ecclesiastes 7:9

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.   Psalm 37:8-9

Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.  1 John 2:9-11

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?   James 4:11-12

Let brotherly love continue.   Hebrews 13:1

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.   Galatians 6:1-3

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.   Philippians 4:8-9

The Necessary Ache

Tonight, I tucked in an eight year old for the very last time.  Tomorrow, she turns nine.  And she's our last.

Which means we are to the "half way" point with our youngest.

And this mama heart of mine is full of gratitude for the joy these kids bring and at the same time full of something that makes my throat hurt. 

We are hurtling through time and space, these kids and their Daddy and me, flying past one milestone after another.  It's all a blur of growing and stretching and learning and messing up and learning some more and talking it through and laughing and learning some more and crying and holding and letting go and learning some more.

So the something in my throat that hurts is needed.

To make me stop. 

And breathe. 

And take it all in. 

And store up the memory. 

So that when I plunge back in to learn some more, I remember why we're doing this after all.

Why Hope Exists for Less of Me and More of Him

There is a verse of Scripture jostling around in my spirit today.  A verse that speaks of my Jesus. 

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin."  Hebrews 4:15

I love this verse because it removes the "God card" factor.  Jesus didn't just play a God card and exempt himself from the possibility of sin.  No.  He was tempted.  In every way I have been tempted, and then some.  And at levels I have never had to face, for he was tempted by the destroyer himself, face to face.  (Matthew 4)

But, he's been there.  His heart has been tempted the way mine has. 

I sometimes imagine it.

When he saw his cousin beheaded, was he tempted to give in to disappointment and let a seed of bitterness sprout?

When his own hometown, his family and friends, could not see past his "ordinariness" and rejected his claims to be the Messiah, was he tempted to give in to anger and let a root of unforgiveness grow?

When the teachers of the law struck his face and spit on him, crying out that he was blaspheming the very name he shared with His father, was he tempted to give in to hopelessness for their redemption and let the tree of mankind wither and die?

When he was all alone in the garden, knowing the cross was coming the next day, was he tempted to tell God He didn't want to do it His way anymore?

These are real situations Jesus found himself in.  Real people he had to look in the face.  Real heart issues that so easily ensnare.

I find myself there all the time.

When God doesn't do what I thought He would do.

When people aren't as mature as I thought they were.

When someone assumes the worst about my intentions.

When my way looks better...or just easier...or just satisfies my wants more than His does.

And I don't always handle it the way He did.  For He didn't sin.

Oh, my Jesus, how I love you for that.  You could have, and you didn't.  You showed me it can be done.  And then you died for the times I would try to follow in your footsteps and fail. 

And today I have hope.  Because You did it.  Because You're still whispering that I can learn.

Five Little Things That Could Change the World

Most of the time, our youngest two get along beautifully.  When they don't, something like this soundbite from last week happens:

"Sweetheart, your big brother told me you two weren't getting along.  You want to tell me what happened?"

Instant tears.

"I was mad at him."

"Really?  Why is that?"

"Because he wouldn't play what I wanted him to play."  Long pause.  "So, I said some mean things."

"Hmmmmm.  Isn't your brother your best friend?"  Head nodding.  "And is that how you want to treat your best friend?"

Very long pause.  More tears.

"No."

Ah.  And there's the problematic truth.  She has discovered she isn't always the friend she wants to be. 

And I can feel her pain.

How many times have I wished after the fact that my words had been different?  That I had been able to offer the comfort or encouragement that was in my heart in a more tangible way?  That I had been more faithful, more true, or more gracious?  That I had been the friend I want to have?

The follow up to our conversation included instructions for her to write out a list of things she wanted to be as a friend.  She threw herself into it, even typing up her list on the typewriter her Nana gave her for Christmas.

I couldn't agree more with her decisions:


five things how i will treat my frinds

one  nice

              tow kind

                     three no tochie toche  (Admittedly, we had to laugh at this one--it's a reference to making sure she never used her hands to hurt her friends, but it did come out kinda funny.)

                                   four playful


                                              five treted like i would want to be treted



Amen and amen. 

Sometimes Healing Comes From Strange Places

For several years now, my husband and I have carried around a large burden of guilt and shame.  And it all stemmed from owning a dog. 

We had paid good money for an adorable puppy, even traveling to an airport three hours away to pick her up.  We had brought her home, introduced her to the eager children who had been begging for a dog, and bought all kinds of doggie supplies.  And then our lives had promptly fallen apart.

We couldn't train her to go outside to go potty.

We couldn't train her not to chew everything up.

We couldn't train her not to bite the kids.

We couldn't train her not to jump the fence and run away....every single day.

We were complete failures as dog owners.

And a year later, by the time I dreaded going home every day because I had to deal with her, I knew we were beat.  We shame-facedly gave her away.  And a few months later heard her new owners had trained her well and she was now a perfect little angel.

We were not only complete failures.  We were complete failures who had funded someone else's dream dog.

And so, we believed that was the end of the story.  We gave away all our doggie supplies.  We bought a fish.  We said never again.

But, there's something amazing about God's redemptiveness.  He doesn't do "never agains" real well.  He has a way of taking our vows and turning them upside down and bringing everything full circle.  He has a way of making us forget our shame (Isaiah 54:4) and bringing us to new tables of joy.

Enter the angel of mercy who found her way into our carport one cold winter night, now over a month ago.  We tried to find an owner, but without a collar and no one to answer our internet queries, we decided she was probably dumped in the pasture just a bit down the road from our house.

My heart was hard where her kind were concerned, but she was not deterred.  She wore down my defenses with her soft velvet fur, her huge, kind eyes, and her ability to go potty outside.  She made me love her further with her snuggles in the morning, her snuggles on my lunch break, and her snuggles on the couch at bedtime.  She entwined herself around my heart with her kindness to my children.

We now own all new doggie supplies, along with a collar that reads "Sugar."  And oh, how sweet she is.  She has removed the shame in our house from past dog failures, and healed our hearts by becoming the member of the family we didn't know we were missing. 

I'll need to remember that the next time I'm tempted to say "never again."  Maybe failure isn't always the end.  Maybe it's just a longer walk to the finish line.

Bedtime Ritual

I watched a badly made TV movie this week.  My husband was out of town, and I was looking to pass the evening hours after the kids were in bed.  I knew two minutes into the film that is was going to have a predictable story-line and poor acting.  I watched it anyway, strangely intrigued at how badly a movie could be made and still make it to the television.

With an introduction like that, I won't share the name of the film.  All that needs to be known is the predictable plot part. 

The movie was about a woman who relives a day in her life over and over again until she gets it right.  Overdone in Hollywood, for sure.  Yet, I was somehow genuinely happy for her when she finally learned all the lessons she was supposed to learn, the credits rolled, and I was sleepy enough to go to bed.

As I crawled between the covers, I had one loose thought rolling around in my head.

"What would I do differently tomorrow if I was reliving today?"

I closed my eyes and thought back over the details of my day.  A couple of encounters rose to the surface. 

A conversation I wished I had worked harder to infuse with gentleness.

A moment I could have siezed to spend time with my daughter.

A phone call of encouragement I meant to make and didn't.

What if tomorrow I could get a re-do?  How would I change it? 

I don't advocate living in regret.  It makes a terrible life-partner.  But, there's something to be said for evaluation.  For repentance.  For change.  For making different choices next time. 

And I did choose something different next time.  The very next day, I recognized a conversation similar to the one I had wished I could change.  And it arrested me.  I didn't want to be lying in my bed wishing I had done this one differently, too.

So, I stopped.  Slowed down.  Thought about the words.  Took my time to make it what I wanted it to be.

When I  went to bed that evening, I asked myself the same question, "What would I do differently tomorrow if I was reliving today?" And that conversation didn't make the list.

Something else did. 

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." 
                                                                                          - Lamentations 3:22-23

Imparting A Life Lesson

I took my son to vote with me today.  It was his turn, as I've taken them each one by one the last several elections.  There are several reasons I have chosen to do this.

I want him to feel confident the first time he votes, having no reason to be intimated into staying away from the polls.

I want him to understand the process of democracy and feel the weight of its privilege.

I want him to take ownership of his role in his own nation, picking up the responsibility we each carry to invest in our country.

I want him to see that people can use their voices for something other than complaining.  They can use them for action.

But there's something else we'll do as a family tonight.  We'll be praying for our government this evening before we go to bed.

Because I want him to know who to petition for real change.

Why You Shouldn't Give Up, Mama

With four children entrusted to my care, I spend a lot of my time teaching.  How to tie shoes.  How to ride a bike.  How to drive a car.  How to match your clothes.  How to start the dishwasher. 

The list goes on and on, right into the more important things.

How to forgive.  How to use your words to bless.  How to pray.  How to stop gossip.  How to strengthen yourself in the Lord.

I've been teaching these precious ones for fifteen years now, so I'm comfortable in my role as teacher.  I'm not always so comfortable in my role as student.

And that's where I found myself this week, as my son became the teacher.

It was Sunday evening and we were about to have thirty people making s'mores in our backyard for an end of the season softball party.  I was running behind in my preparations and feeling the crunch.  Somewhere in the midst of opening dozens of chocolate wrappers, my second son asked what was for dinner.  My response was less than gracious.

"It's Sunday night.  I don't cook on Sunday nights.  Just eat whatever you find in the fridge."

There was a long pause as he rummaged around in the fridge, then the freezer.  Pulling out a box of frozen taquitos, he asked how long he would need to warm them up.

I mumbled something in reply about that not being the easiest thing he could have chosen.

"What?" he asked me, leaning forward to try to catch my eyes.

"Nothing," I said, turning away from him, "Just follow the directions and do it quick so we can clean up the kitchen."

Definitely not an award-winning mommy moment.  And then, when the overpowing smell of taquitos filled the kitchen a few minutes later, it got worse.

"Great," I muttered loud enough for him to hear, "Just what I needed--that weird smell greeting our guests when they arrive."

My thirteen year old leaned forward once more, caught my gaze, and calmy said, "Mom, if you wanted to grump about that, you should have done it three minutes ago when I asked you what I should eat."

I looked at those sincere eyes, eyes that didn't hold one trace of disrespect, and burst out laughing.

He was so insanely and completely right.

And I was so in the wrong.

I apologized.  He accepted, smiled, and moved on to eat his taquitos, clean up after himself, and then ask how he could help me get ready for the party.

I realized later as I mulled it over that my teaching is working. 

I've invested hours and hours of my time teaching my children how to address conflict while still honoring the other person.

I've had countless coversations with them about how to recognize emotional manipulation and how to refrain from bowing to its yoke.

I've poured into them the skills and words it's going to take for them to navigate the waters of taking responsibility for what is yours, but not picking up false responsibility for what others do or say that you can not change.

And they're learning.  They're learning well.  They're learning so well that my son handled my irritation and impatience with a grace that can only come from someone who has come to value and fight for right relationships in his home.

And I've never been prouder as a mother, even if I won't be buying taquitos anymore.